Emotionally Unstable (personality disorder)

From my experiences of working with people who suffer symptoms of BPD / EUPD I wrote a poem. Please be warned that it's not necessarily a happy poem, but one which I hope will reflect the lived experience for many who struggle with this

Chronic feelings of emptiness
I can't handle the loneliness
It makes my life feel such a mess
To push away those I love the best
I have to put you to the test
In the hope that you'll return to me
And fill a lost sense of identity

I know I'm too intense
I cause you pain and I cause you offence
It's my best defense
Yet it comes at such expense
Yes it comes at such expense

I need to know you care
Your lack of presence I can't bear
I need to feel you there
To reassure me with the love you declare

You must express yourself honestly
Despite the eggshells all around me
'Else you'll prove I cannot trust
Your criticisms seem so unjust
How could you be this unkind
I didn't need to be reminded
Of the defects of my mind
You make me feel so invalid
You know it makes so aggravated
How quickly you dismissed
And now I don't exist
Don't defend my enemies
You're meant to be the one to protect me
And keep me safe from harm
Instead of ringing all my alarms

Don't think I don't feel guilty
Afterwards I'm filled with self-pity
I hate when I'm so salty
I'm aware when I am doing it
I feel so split
But I just can't seem to quit
I'm broken in two
Can't seem to breakthrough
Or see the hues
The shades of grey in your world view
It's black and white
Wrong or right

I must confess
I need you to feel my distress
This torture is insufferable
And I need you to be invulnerable
If you can withstand it
Then maybe you'd understand
But I know you'll just abandon me
I have an acute detection
For the slightest of rejections

A self-fulfilling prophecy
That's long proven to be
A desolate reality
Disturbed by triviality
But please know,
It's the deeper meanings that matter to me
I need you to be strong
The kind of person who won't make me wrong
For the anguish of not belonging
In a world devoid of feeling
And though I hate it
The absence of feeling seems appealing

I know I'm too much
I use you as my crutch
To save me from the pain
And fear that I'm going insane
While no-one seems to care
I'm thrown into despair

So I put you on a throne
You'll save me from this misery
But when you don't
It hurts me bitterly

Then I'll stick you in the dungeon
Engage in acts of mass destruction

I'll push you away
And when you go, I will dismay
At how easily you left
Now I'm agonizingly bereft
And utterly depressed

How could you leave?
You were my only relief

I've been betrayed again
You were my life, my lover, and my best friend

I NEVER wanted it to end
I NEVER wanted it to end

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*Disclaimer: Results may vary from person to person.